Spaghettification


Spaghettification or The Noodle Effect. The process by which (in some theories) an object would be stretched and ripped apart by gravitational forces on falling into a black hole.

Stretched and pulled apart. The Collective is in utter chaos. Pieces have separated again. There is not much integration. A huge step backwards. Shattered. Again.

Into the darkness we were thrust. Chunks fell apart falling everywhere. Leaving the Dead One exposed for the first time. Left alone in the mess of debris. Open. Alone. Terrified. Mute. So tiny. Barely able to move. Vulnerable and defenseless.

The Cutter didn’t cut. She knew this pain was too deep for her to fix. She knew anything she could offer would make things worse for us all. So no offering was made. She screamed into the darkness instead. And screamed and screamed.

Yet we were still mute.

I am left to sweep up the mess and deal with the carnage. Just me. Melany.

I felt Diane’s desperation for this life to be over with already. She is tired and just wants out. She won’t do it herself so all she can do is long for the end and the new beginning in The Mist. In The Mist there is peace and love and understanding and total oneness. For a child she is wise beyond her years.

I felt Wendy’s feeling of worthlessness. Utter hopelessness of ever doing anything good, anything right. Ever. She is convinced that people were right in telling her it was her fault that her father is dead now. They blamed her. If it wasn’t for her neediness to be loved and accepted… it’s a hole that eats her up to this day. She is forever craving it like an addict craves their drug.

DieAnne knew what they expected of her and she was not giving it to them. They would talk bad of her and blame her and her alone. In our defense would be Kiki and Marion. For sure. We know that.

Berated over and over and over again. Beaten down verbally, mentally and emotionally. Used. Used and to be thrown away when all used up. Left alone. Again. Berated with lies and false accusations. Making sure she knows she is worth nothing. She is unlovable. Her love is toxic. Her love is thrown away. Like trash. She is taught it’s better not to love. By who? Someone who knows that love kills. Love hurts. Pain is all there is for her. The constant ache for companionship. For someone to love her.

The only ones I can feel inside that haven’t been blown far away are Diane, Wendy, DieAnne, The Cutter, Bitch, The Dead One and I’m not really sure who else is left. I can feel a few more of the darker ones scattered about. As for the others… Tanya, Missy, Diana… gone. Poof.

I fear we will never find what we are looking for, needing. Why? Some people are simply unlovable is all. We happen to be one of them. Just too broken for it to ever happen. That, for sure was drilled into us so deep it shredded our heart beyond repair. We get it. We are defective beyond repair looking for something only normal people get. We are the cat who was given a home in the water.

On that note…

Love, Melany

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jaws, Mythbusters and Kiki


Something interesting happened last night. Kiki came over and we decided to watch some movies. We watched Chips and she wanted to watch Jaws. She has watched that movie more times than she can count lol. Me, I had seen it before a few times so I said yeah, let’s watch it.

When it began I realized I didn’t remember the beginning… so I said something about that to Kiki and then said that I will let you know when I thought the beginning was. So here we are watching the movie and I am realizing that I have no idea what I am watching. I realized that even though “I” saw Jaws numerous times it was MY first time! No wonder I had no idea of how it began. One thing I knew about Jaws was the end because Mythbusters did a show on Jaws and exploding the canister and I love Mythbusters!

Yea that’s right. We have seen all the Jaws movies and I am curious to see if we remember the others lol. Talk about wild… watching a movie you’ve seen but watching it for the first time. It was truly amazing and I can’t wait for it to happen again!!

Maybe next week Kiki and I will go for Jaws 2 and 3 lol.

Until next time… Blessed Be… Tanya