Finding the Path Never Traveled – Mine


Well, last week I decided that I would start setting some goals, kind of get some structure, something to strive for –  physically especially. With all the stressors I am and have been dealing with, my physical self is not what it used to be lol so I wanted to start with something I consider big and work up to it. Sooooo…. hmmmm what tho???

Ah! I know! It would be to walk to the grocery store (it’s over a mile away) to get my groceries and then take an Uber home. (On the inside I was giggling thinking that ain’t gonna ever happen!) I figured that eh, maybe by the fall I would be up to trying to go for it, certainly before the first snowflakes started to fall. Right?

I mean going downstairs to grab the mail or toss the trash would get me a bit out of breath more times than not. I figured if I get out of breath so easily doing such easy peasy things, this would be a good goal to strive for. We have started doing some smaller things a few times a week, and sometimes none times a week. Yoga. I have found that I really like it!! I am also liking that all I have to do is pop my favorite YouTube Yoga video up on my TV, put down my yoga mat and Namaste my cares away. I think I really prefer that to actually going to a class with people.

I guess I forgot that along with my mental and spiritual “workouts”, I’ve neglected being more physically active. That is stopping. We’ve been in fight or flight mode for way too long. Survival mode for way too long. That is stopping as well.

However, I am finding it a lot easier to be more physically active than I am finding it to be getting out of Fight Flight Survive mode. I am finally safe, alone (with PixE of course) and in my own place. A place I can afford, meets my needs and I love! No more fear, no more homelessness, no more abuse but best of all… no. more. limits. I can do whatever I want. You hear that??

No?

Well I do, it’s the sound of untapped potential! I plan on tapping the hell out of that biatch! Get back in touch with The Goddess, get that connection back, make it stronger than I could ever dream and thrive in the pure love that is there. Wander through The Willow Grove and get to know everyone and everything we come in contact with. Sure it will take time. Time is finally something we have for ourselves now and we plan on using it!

Maybe one day we will see who we are buried beneath all the shit. I will say I am anticipating the journey. I will also say that I believe that all these things have their places within each other. Physical, mental and spiritual. I refuse to pick one and work on it and then move on to the next. Nope. I notice that if I drop the ball in one area it affects the other areas in a not so good way.

So this morning, unsure of whether we should attempt this walk or not, we consulted The Universe. Universe said to go for it so we picked a nice Reiki music playlist, popped in the ear buds and walked all the way to the grocery store got what we had to get and then got an Uber home. Ha! And we seriously thought we may get to mark that goal complete by springtime. Nope, did it today! So, seeing that goal was to finally be able to do it… I think the next goal will be to do it again! (This time wearing sneakers and not flip-flops lol) Just doing that walk today, I feel more settled than I have in a very long time and there is no one who can take it away from me anymore! I am creating my own path. My own place in this world. What I want. How I want. When I want. You get it.

And now it is time to meditate before I make dinner and settle in for the evening.

 

Namaste – Paulie  🏝

 

 

 

Hope Floats ~ Day 19


This was supposed to be Day 16 but a lot has been going on in my head. I still find myself sitting and staring at the screen. I’ve changed the day 3 times already. Yes, this has been sitting up on my computer screen for 3 days now. There is so much to say but I am so confused. Being extremely tired doesn’t help. I still can’t fall asleep right away, it usually takes hours before I nod off. The only time I fall asleep faster is when I hit the wall with the exhaustion. That happened the other day. Tuesday. I was knocked out on the couch all day. That sleep wasn’t even restful because I woke up just as exhausted.

Right now we are waiting for the inspectors to come. It is time for the yearly inspection for the apartment complex. The notice said from 9am to 12pm. lol I set my alarm for 8:30am but finally dragged my ass out of bed at 9:30am or so. It’s 11:30 now so they should be here at any time. All I am thinking is, fuck, I could still be asleep. I didn’t fall asleep until sometime after 5 or 6am. This sleep issue I have really takes a toll on this body. Add to that what I am going through… being new here and all. Things can get overwhelming fast.

Sadness and depression are running rampant today. I’m so confused it’s not funny. It’s strangely quiet inside right now. I don’t hear anyone else. Maybe they are sleeping. I know they aren’t gone because I can feel them in the darkness. lol Idk, maybe they are looking for a way out of it?

Last evening at 6pm we had a therapy appointment. It went well. I told her I did indeed start a journal. I have it in Outlook and it is password protected. We have to keep the communication going. I wasn’t too happy not finding any information. But the information I did find was very beneficial.

The inspectors finally came at about 12:20pm, so I am glad that is over and done with. Now I can just relax. I found out that I get a little annoyed having to wait on people. Especially when they show up after the given timeframe lol.

Well, I ended up walking into the bedroom for something and the next thing I know is it is 3 hours later lol. I must have laid on the bed for a minute and crashed out. Hell, I will take sleep where I can get it!

I guess I will just stop here. I feel like I am rambling. I’m just really confused today. I also guess I’ve been confused a lot lately.

~Hope