The Black Sheep ~ That’s it, I’m Done!

Yup. Done. Fini. It feels gooooood! (I just did a little shimmy when I typed that!! lol) But, yes, I am finished and settled into Step 5 in regard to my family.

The final phase of this model is to let go of your need for the loss and to move on with your life. Sadness will lessen greatly, and new interests will gradually occupy your thoughts more and more, crowding out the misery and desolation. The final stage is when you “pull your life back together”.

My “need” for their acceptance and love is no more. I don’t “need” anyone to be me. All of me. I don’t have to worry anymore about making anyone nervous. I can just BE. I can love them from afar and leave it at that. I’m that puzzle piece that doesn’t fit anywhere. I’m ok with it.

I’m getting into a somewhat regular routine and I like it. On the weekend, either Friday or Saturday night Kiki and I do something… either go out or stay in and watch movies. We went to a Jazz thing one night… let me tell you, I know what it feels like to have ping-pong balls bouncing around in your head now. I found out I do not care for Jazz. It’s too discordant for me.

Counting my blessings instead of focusing on what is missing from my life really helped me get comfy in Stage 5. My life is pretty much pulled back together and I am enjoying it! I enjoy my time with my son, boyfriend, Kiki, my phone and computer time with Marion and Drew and I could go on with a couple more friends but you get the picture. My life is full. All of my me’s feel free finally.

I’m no longer sad, I am not dwelling on the party I won’t be invited to… my precautions are in place and I am at peace. Instead I am thinking about my son and when his next day off is… 🙂 Happy thoughts!

Until next time… Blessed Be… Saila


Privacy? What Privacy?

Well, as I was falling asleep last night I realized something about this apartment. There has always been something that has kept me with a little bit of anxiety and I figure out what it was! When I lived in the condo the living room was on the second floor. The garage and laundry room were the first floor. So to answer the door we had to go downstairs. Here, the front door is right over there. (Pointing to the front door on my left. Yes, right over there.) My front door is right in my living room instead of downstairs.

That is something I need to get used to. It is a layer of privacy stripped away. That was an “Ah ha!” moment. I’m a girl who loves her privacy and I don’t like hearing foot traffic in my hall. It’s not bad, I mean I do live on the second floor. So that is a relief.

Now I just have to deal with it. What is good is I know now. I can adjust. I just don’t like a front door Right There! (Pointing again lol) I Need My Privacy. We’ll see how I do with this realization.

Until next time… Blessed Be… Tanya