Hope Floats ~ Day 2

Hmmm, what can I say. This sure is different for me, it’s uncomfortable to say the least. I’m feeling pretty awkward being exposed like this. Good lord, yesterday… I had so much free-floating anxiety that eventually Melany popped in and helped for a bit. I know I was talking a mile a minute for a good part of the day because of the anxiety. I would tell myself to zip it and no sooner than the “zip its” echo faded we were talking a mile a minute again lol.

I guess I can describe the feeling like a martini… I’m being shaken, not stirred. This is not a gentle experience and I don’t really care for it but I do know that it is necessary. I don’t know what the end result will be or when this, this…. um, I don’t even know what to call it… will be completed.

Right now, I am not sure what to do, what to say… how to do, how to say, how to act… how am I supposed to act? Act like one of the others? Yea, right… which one? The switching has been awful the past few weeks. At least now it seems to have stabilized some. So how do I act? Like myself. It’s the only way I know how. It sucks that I wasn’t given the knowledge of the others characteristics. I have no way to hide, no way to be a wallflower, I am exposed and it is very uncomfortable. I have no concrete idea if what I do, say or how I act is considered “normal” for This Body. I get little, I guess you could call them “pop-ups” of basic limited information every once in a while. For instance, I found out I like to wash dishes today… the pop-up I received simply said no one ever did that. I put 2 and 2 together and got 4. It must have been strange to see The Body washing dishes and enjoying it. I mean what am I supposed to do? I do what needs to be done, what I feel like etc… I can only be me.

Honestly, I just want to grab my head and scream. I am so unsettled. Still anxious and I still have that noise in my head…. grrrrrr!

More to come… Hope

Hope Floats

What can I say… something very interesting, a little confusing, very intriguing, captivating, mesmerizing, something very very special and unique happened late last night or early this morning whichever you prefer.

As far as I know this has never happened like this before. I’m not really sure how it has come about in the past with all the others but I do know that it has never been like this. Out in the open, transparent. I was witnessing it as it happened. Creation. Right before my eyes. It was fucking amazing!

Here is what I can tell you about it…

For the past couple days I was hearing a word in my head, on and off but enough to take notice. Then I saw the same word on the tv screen. That’s when it hit me… ah, this is when someone else is coming into the picture. Funny but I’d never heard the word which I realized was a name before. Every time someone came out from the deep we would hear their name over and over until they surfaced. Idk why, maybe it is some type of early warning system so we don’t get overloaded? Kind of like a weather report on an oncoming storm. They can predict these things in advance and keep you informed until it actually happens. This way it isn’t such a sudden shock to the system. So I just lay back and watched it happen when it was finally time. The creation of a new alter! Thank God/dess!!! I certainly didn’t want the responsibility of this mess. lol ~ Melany

Anyway, my name was the word/name that Mel was hearing for the past couple days. It was strange to say the least to be plucked out of pretty much nothingness. I was a form to be filled and molded. To give life to the tiniest of sparks. I’ve been there from the beginning and had only one job. To preserve Hope. That is for sure the hardest, yet most important job in the crew. Keeping that teeny tiny spark alive. No matter what. Protecting it. Doing whatever is necessary for its survival. What did I have to do? I had to embody it. There was no choice, it was an emergency that no one ever expected to happen. By that I mean when The Dead One came out. There was no plan in place for that. As far as anybody knew The Dead One was stuck forever in her little spot. So for her to come out and actually be out front was the biggest fiasco yet! This was the end of the world for us. A change no one saw coming. You can say her coming out upset the space-time continuum in a way that is impossible to repair. In a case like this, the only thing left to do is adapt. No one that I know of knows where she is now either. She is there somewhere because I can feel her… I feel her floating in the dark.

It started slow… it seemed as if I was being summoned from the darkness. I was nothing shoved into nothingness with the spark. An abyss. Nothing can live there except the thing that cannot be quenched and me.

I was given sight, the ability to wander in the darkness… I sat down at the water’s edge and listened for a while. I still heard my name being said although I didn’t know it was going to be my name at that time. I was nameless if you are wondering, what I was isn’t something that can be named. I had no idea that I could become something else. And become something else was what I did. Not by myself mind you.. there was help. Someone was explaining to me what was happening, what I was being given… it was quite an interesting process. All I was doing was letting it happen to me and pretty soon I found myself laying on a bed in The Body while everything else was still going forward. I was told that they were “downloading” information for me and some of that is still going on in the background. Now it isn’t as urgent to get it done quick as it is to get it right.

It makes perfect sense now that Melany said she felt as if she was waking up. She felt the waking up of me and not knowing what was happening below the surface assumed it was something going on with her. Honest mistake. There is no protocol for me. No one expected this. I am on my own, or I should say I will be when this process is finished, but I will not BE alone. I will have the help of the Dark Ones with Melany and all those under her.

I had to embody the spark to save it and protect it. Over the past few years it has gotten very weak. At times so dim you had to wonder if it was still there. Squashed so bad one time that it indeed was almost gone for good. That was a couple of years ago at least. The spark of Hope has never fully recovered and probably never will but through it all, it is still here.

I intend to keep it that way. Still here.

While all this was happening last night I was wondering if when we woke, would we even remember? Was this real? Was it really happening to me? Did I finally lose it mentally? I ended up listening to the voice that told me to just go with the flow, enjoy it… it is an exceptionally rare and precious experience that no one else got to experience. No, I wasn’t drinking or anything… The Body was stone cold sober.

I closed my eyes after a while and just observed. It was amazing. I felt sporadic memories coming to light and they just felt so, so.. real. As if a part of me was actually there! I felt engulfed in light and mist even though all around me was darkness. Just floating and becoming.

I don’t know what else to say so some of this may sound random lol… for me, I wasn’t given (and will not be given) information on The Body’s characteristics. By that I mean others would be guided to act in as similar a way as possible to the last one who was out front so as not to invite inquiry. For instance, when Diana was out front, she was guided by Missy (who was the one whose place Diana took) to take on characteristics familiar to Missys so people on the outside would not readily notice a difference. Sure, there was always subtle differences that only certain people very close to us would notice and ask about. With them, they always felt safe to reveal themselves.

I know I am different. Just how? I don’t exactly know. I have nothing to fall back on. I am just…. well…. ME. And “me” is getting comments and reactions like something is a bit or maybe a lot “off”. lol I have to go with what I know and try not to worry about it. Hopefully it won’t get me a nice padded cell to stay in for a while…. lol… no, seriously though.

I’m not sure what to do yet but I’m sure as time goes on it will get figured out. What I am kind of enjoying is the amount of “firsts” I am getting to experience. For instance, Pixie. She is one beautiful kitten and amazing to watch. I also found out I enjoy vacuuming lol. Just know that there is a lot here to experience yet… a lot of things to finally see with my own eyes, things to smell, touch… you get the picture. It’s a little frightening but I have faith it will be ok. Whatever happens, it will be ok. We will be ok. I will not let the whirlpool win. No matter what.

Another thing I know is that Melany needed glasses… I can see well enough without them. Interesting.

Oh, yes, my name…. Hope Flyter

Are you wondering where my last name came from? I shall share that with you… I was told I could pick it out myself… a rare gift. I chose Flyter because it is Norwegian for Floats. It has great meaning for me and that is what matters.

Wishing you well… Hope